MENTAL HEALTH

The Vortioxetine Diaries - The Aripiprazole Saga

This has very little to do with Vortioxetine and a lot to do with Aripiprazole.

I meant to write earlier, but this month has been bonkers. Like, really bonkers and weird and I’m just recovering from the most horrible 72 hours.

This has very little to do with Vortioxetine and a lot to do with Aripiprazole.

You may remember, that I said I was having a medication over-haul. “How’s that going?” you say, I say, “feels like I was hit by a truck”.

Except not quite. I followed my psychiatrists recommendations, reducing the Quetiapine by 50mg a week and starting the Aripiprazole by 5mg a week, and everything was going smoothly, last week was one of the best I’ve had in a long time. A really long time. I liked it. I was motivated, I had energy, it was good.

This weekend? I thought I was dying. A little extreme but it started Friday when I hit the supposed maximum dose of Aripiprazole, the agitation started, the jingle jangles in my nerves, nervous energy that turned into no sleep and a lot of restlessness. It wasn’t motivation, it was something else and it was horrible.

So, I made a calculated decision and did something I shouldn’t have. I won’t tell you what, as it would not be deemed clever, but tentatively, it’s worked. Today I feel a little better., less shaky, more hung-over-esq, and that is much more welcome than the mess I was becoming.

Now here is where my psychiatrists incompetence is truly shining.

My previous psych warned me that any drastic medication change like this would be done in inpatient, or at the very least, twice weekly meetings with himself. I don’t know when I’m seeing my current psych next. I’m changing a medication that I’ve been taking for 5 years, I am known to become unstable and… it’s radio silence. If you’re going to do this, anyone, please force better care, I will be calling my CMHT on Monday for an emergency appointment. This is my health, and it scares me how little care is being demonstrated by mental health teams. I know they’re stretched, I know they’re under-funded, but if I end up in A&E because of it, there is failings and also, I don’t want to go to A&E.

So sadly, it’s a pretty rubbish update from me. Sorry about that, but sometimes thats the truth, and I know, I know I’m not alone here, and I know these problems happen to physical health. So yaaaaaay for the incompetence of doctors, except not, because thats sad and sad backwards is is das and das not good.

The Vortioxetine Diaries - 9 Months (Like a baby!)

medication, bod, eupd, borderline personality disorder, vortioxetine, mirtazapine, a whole lotta drugs

“Hey Erin” I hear you cry, “You’re well crap at this blogging thing”.

Well, you’d be right. I am well crap. Why am I well crap? Because I still feel well crap. Is that the fault of the Vortioxetine? D O U B T F U L.

Basically I’ve been over here taking my medicines, trying to look after myself and rolling with the punches that life dolls out and I am still not feeling any better. I’m not feeling any ill effects from the Vortioxetine, I have no sickness anymore. I sleep, probably too much. My relationship and my life and my job bumble along as well as well can be. Maybe I’m greedy, I want more because this persistent misery is boring and draining.

So guess what?

Yeah, over here we’re having a complete medication overhaul, and the first thing to go is the damned Quetiapine. YAY.

My psychiatrist, for all his uselessness has agreed to replace the Quetiapine with Aripiprazole. For all my excitement about coming off a medication that I hate, I am nervous. It’s been five years on Quetiapine, and all the previous attempts to reduce it have been met with a return of psychotic features. Yet at the same time I am so so tired of the weight gain, I am tired of the sedation and the constant want to sleep.

Now, if you’ve read my blog before you’ll remember that when I replaced Mirtazapine with Vortioxetine I fucked up. Badly. I did not taper the dose of the Mirtazapine and had a week of horrific withdrawal symptoms. Going to reiterate this in bold.

DO NOT SUDDENLY STOP TAKING MEDICINES WITHOUT THE AGREEMENT OF YOUR DOCTOR.

It is honestly, 100% not worth it.

So, on Tuesday I’m going to the pharmacy to collect my Aripiprazole and I’ll be reducing doses and starting anew. I’ve plotted it all out on my calendar and may even share my experiences. We will see. For now though - Hi! Sometimes I’m still alive.